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Ryan and Hirtz' Grand Day(Millennium) Out

This story is non-fictional, so do not try to sue us for criminal offeneses or unauthorized use of a spaceship.

One Day, Hirtz and Ryan were driving down the 401 in their new expensive car when they hit a transport but instead of the car being crashed up it was left spotless and the transport on the other hand was in pieces. They drove away quickly before someone found them out. Later on the radio they heard that the police blamed it on a cat/fax machine. They were hungry so they went to McDonald's and had a few quarter pounders and just outside the window they saw the cat/fax machine and the police were driving by and looking for him and he asked "WHAT DID I DO?!" He ran out into the parking lot and a boat that fell out of the sky landed on the cat/fax machine. Then Ryan and Hirtz saw Ton-e run out of nowhere dressed like a ninja and playing a guitar, which was actually normal for him by this time. Ryan and Hirtz now started wailing on their guitars and then all the pirates' diarriaed in their pants and it was so warm that they melted. So Hirtz and Ryan went on to do a Pirates Ass Kickin' World Tour! Our Pirate Ass Kickin' World Tour and tour with Blink 182 as our opening band. They headed out on the road and ended up in Detroit City. On the Opening night of the tour thing, Blink 182 turns up sick and decaying. So They have to go to our LAST resort. Simon. Going solo? It was all right until he messed up on a tune and people started throwing tomatoes and fresh vegetables at him. The crowd stopped when they saw a bright light appear. It was Hirtz and Ryan! Everyone cheered loudly and they played the best song in the world (not a tribute). It was so good that Epitaph Records was listening and they liked it and they turned it into a CD, but no one bought it and Hirtz and Ryan went out of business.

Ryan and Hirtz decided to retire and have kids. Lots of kids. Like 30 and they all have similar names, like Bob and Rob. Eventually they moved out into the boonies with all the hillbilly's and one day while Ryan was hunting for goose he missed the goose and shot the ground and struck oil. They got rich and abandoned their kids and left them with granny and moved to Hollywood where they became the animals that play in movies, such as the jungle book.

They made 7.50 and hour and after 10 years they had accumulated $1111132452342000 dollars so they bought a huge mansion and got lost in it. They each had nothing to eat but dust balls and stale french fries stuck in the vents. After about 2 years they found each other again and re-united. Hirtz and Ryan decided to sell the mansion and buy the house of guitars. They made everything out of guitars. Like beds and lamps and food, and little model dogs named Mo. But the stuff was so tacky that they went bankrupt again. But since they owned the house of guitars all the regular products kept them wealthy. So they bought their house back, fixed up and hired lots of random people to make it look like the house if full even though they just sit around and do nothing.

Later Ryan and Hirtz installed a pool in their backyard and mailed all their kids, who had kids, to help fill up their HUGE house. Eventually they both die and their house turns into a parsonage where all the nicest people in the world live. Except for one boy, who said that he didn't like Ryan glasses. This was an outrage. Everyone was really mad at him for saying that, so they kicked him out of the house and he was forced to lay on the step outside the house or sleep in the dog house/shed outside. The boy was all right with this I guess, because he started chewing on bones and foamed at the mouth. The nice people took him in to get a rabie shot but he bit all the vets and they turned into zombies. Then they all followed the boy back to the mansion to take over the place. But out comes the fourth generation Hirtz and takes her slingshot and hits the bad boy in the eyes. That means he needs glasses. So the fourth generation Ryan takes the bad boy to the glasses store and gets him glasses like Ryan. Even though the bad boy hates them. But he wasn't able to tell until he put them on after they bought them that they were like Ryan's. But the glasses had a magical effect on the boy and made him super nice and joined the parsonage and became a leader and supported world peace... but one day as he was walking down the stairs and the boy tripped and broke his glasses! ooooooo nooooooo!!!!!!!!! But then the famous fifth year at Hogwart's School of Witchcraft and Wizardry Harry Potter came and went hoccus poccus and his glasses were repaired like that!

Then Harry Potter really wanted to live in the house with the new good boy leader. He let Harry live with them because he was nice and over the summer the leader boy gained magical powers from harry and got a letter from Hogwart's School to come and learn some hoccus poccus. He slept in Harry Potter's bed because he was scared of the flying broom. It talked to him when he sleeps at night and it was nasty and needed some Ryan glasses of its own. So he gave the broom some Ryan glasses. The boy then went out on his broom and became the best Quddich player since the days of first generation Hirtz. The boy became rich and famous and added an expansion to the mansion (that rhymes) and had even more people live there and it eventually expanded into a town with brick walls.

A queen was elected and it was 5th generation Hirtz. She ruled over the parsonage and condemned all that were bad. After 3000 years of ruling over the parsonage Hirtz the 5th decided to leave the parsonage. She decided to fly to the moon and had her daughter, Hirtz the 6th rule over the parsonage. The 6th generation Hirtz enjoyed sports so she instituted a joust competition to see who would be her husband.

There were many guys. Like 6th generation Adam, 6th generation Simon, 6th generation Ton-e... and 6th generation Ryan. They had a guitar off to see which one was the best at the guitar. 6th generation Ryan blasted all the other competition out of the town so 6th generation Ryan was going to marry 6th generation Hirtz. Adam, Simon, and Anthony became servants in the master castle.

6th generation Ryan especially liked 6th generation Simon and Tony. So he asked them to help him rule the parsonage as royal ninja guards. They agreed to this and served the king and queen well. As for 6th generation Adam. He was POed and I mean POed, he stuck up his nose, he had a problem with their baggy clothes. So the royal ninja guards took sour apple Adam to the dungeon which had just recently been installed and left him with the brand new rats to rot for the rest of eternity. Adam would over and over try to escape but he was too weak to move cause they didn't feed him. He died. There was no funeral.

Back on ground zero with king and queen then had a kid and they named him Ryan the 7th. Ryan grew up and graduated into high school and met a 7th generation Britt. At first she didn't like him, but he tried harder and harder to get her attention. After a few heartbreaks she finally came around and they fell in love. But they had a hard time because her parents were not fond of boys, because they have penis's and had glasses and played guitars. But when Britt and Ryan together told her parents they were getting married they jumped for joy because they really like weddings and unusually liked Ryan. After he told them he boned Britt. Now her parents flirted with Ryan and stuff but he was all right with this because he was married to Britt and had a million little Britt babies and they had names like Balengina and Moofasa.

All the kids were very good and they all had Ryan glasses but there was the one special boy named Samson who didn't have glasses. Who also didn't fit in with the rest of the kids. He tried so hard to need glasses but it just didn't work. So he was forced to fly to a different planet called Hirtz-a-trek, where he met other non-Ryan-glasses-wearing-people that were. Those people were called 8th generation Simon and Anthony (there was no 8th generation Adam because 6th generation Adam died in a dungeon and had no one to make baby Adam's with). They played Hirtz-a-trek guitars and played music all day and the other Hirtz-a-trek residents watched and oooo'ed and ahhhhh'ed and really liked it. 8th generation Hirtz flew to the planet because she heard there were ninja's playing guitars but it was just Ryan, Ton-e and Simon. All the non-Ryan glasses people lived in harmony on Hirtz-a-trek and had lots of babies.

Back on planet earth all was not well. Before Adam was imprisoned he had a son (Adam the 7th ). Well, he did not like what queen Hirtz and king Ryan did to his father. So he decided to reek havoc on the parsonage. He called up Darth Vader and got him to turn the planet earth into a death star thing and then an elephant fell out of Chewbacka's fur and landed on Darth Vader and killed him so the earth was safe again. After that, they put 8th generation Adam in the half way house and he could never get out, so the kingdom was all safe again. So they built more attachments on so the whole world could fit in it and then eventually they built enough attachments on that the castle contraption covered all the world and they found the philosopher's stone and the 6th generation Hirtz and Ryan lived forever and occasionally had thanksgiving dinners having all the generations over. Man they were big dinners. So big they had to eat Mother Goose for dinner, but it was worth it and all the kids and parents lived happily ever after.

THE END

By: **** Ryan Beaudrie and Ashley Hirtz ****